Kids Are Smarter Than They Look

"What the hell happened to Clifford? Did they get sued for racism and had to switch up the color?”

Synopsis:
       As I was working one morning on the book floor, an opportunity arose for me to dress up as a character for the stores infamous story time. Regrettably I had done so, and I can say this with complete honesty that I will never fucking do something so ridiculous ever again in my life. Kids are to damn smart.

Caution: The Beverage You’re About to Enjoy is Extremely Hot!

“What? 180 degrees? How can you serve that water? 90 degrees is boiling, that’s absurd!”

Synopsis:
       While working up in the cafe on a usual day, dealing with all sorts of assholes, a particular couple had walked up to me and requested two drinks. Yet when the man asked for his tea, he made it a point that I gave him the hottest water we had. After fulfilling his request, the man disregarded my warning of how hot the water is, and well you can guess what happened next...

An Honest Question From a Deeply Concerned Customer

"Are you guy's still in business?"

                            -Really lady? Would you be here, standing in front of me if we weren't?

Writing Update

Hey all, I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy finishing up my book, and getting some proposals ready to send out to a few publishers. Hopefully someone will want to run with the idea. I plan on putting up some more excerpts from stories in the next few days.

The Legacy of Yeah! Man

"What the hell is going on in this place?"

Synopsis:
       As I was working the cafe one day, I began to hear noises from the front of the store. It wasn't until later that I had found out that the yells I was hearing, were coming from a grown haggard looking man that screamed one word and one word only... and that was "YEAH!". This story describes my very first encounter with Yeah! Man capturing him in all of his glory.

Cheaters Always Get Caught

"Are you fucking cheating on me?"

Synopsis of Cheaters Always Get Caught:
          As I was covering a break up at the front registers, a tall business woman came up and wanted to return one of my company's expensive new e-readers she had gotten as a gift from her husband. After calling for a manager, and processing the return, the woman was shocked to find out that he not only bought her one, but apparently two others as well...

Phone Conversation

"Hello!"

Synopsis: 

      I was working the book floor, and as I was standing near a computer, my store phone rang. So I picked it up and customarily greeted the person calling, yet the man on the other line was completely out of his fucking mind, for he would only respond to the word "hello".

What It Didn't Work?

"Employees were laughing at the Ultimate Orgasm book I was returning."

Synopsis of What It Didn't Work?: 
          I was on my way to covering a break up at the front registers when i saw a woman with a store bag in her hand and asked if she needed help. She needed to return a book so I led her up to the registers and called for a manager. As the manager arrived and started the return, she found that the book the woman was returning was titled: The Ultimate Orgasm Book: How to Share 1 Hour Orgasms with Your Partner. After reading the title she asked if the reason why she was returning the book, was because it didn't work out for her. Comedy ensues....

Quote From a Retarded Customer

"Why it is only two weeks? What if it takes me longer to finish the book?"

                                                                  - A woman's concern about our return policy.

Writing Update

         - I'm starting to write my next story titled: What It Didn't Work? The story is essentially about how a woman came up to the registers, asking to return a book titled : The Ultimate Orgasm Book: How to Share 1 Hour Orgasms with Your Partner. And how one of my managers had asked the woman if the reason she was returning the book was because it didn't work out for her. I'm excited to write this one.

Quote From a Retarded Customer

"You has that? In a book?"

                               -Teenage New York customer on finding out that Scarface is also a book. 

Blue Ballin'

"Hey guy! If you wanna jerk off, get the fuck out of this bathroom and go somewhere else."

Synopsis of Blue Ballin':
       As I was working the cafe on a usually very normal Sunday, I went on my break and into the bathroom to relieve myself. As I was in the bathroom, I was placed in a situation I hope I never have to endure again. It turned out that the man in the stall directly next to mine, was fucking jerking off...

How It All Began

I was fourteen at the time, when I landed my first job at the local burger-joint, working my ass off to make minimum wage. I had only been working there for a few weeks and had already begun to resent going to work every single day I went. It wasn’t until I had been working there a few months that I had begun to realize that work could bring about a shit ton of laughter when I started to not give a shit, and embrace the laughter that naturally came with ridiculous customers.