What It Didn't Work?

"Employees were laughing at the Ultimate Orgasm book I was returning."

Synopsis of What It Didn't Work?: 
          I was on my way to covering a break up at the front registers when i saw a woman with a store bag in her hand and asked if she needed help. She needed to return a book so I led her up to the registers and called for a manager. As the manager arrived and started the return, she found that the book the woman was returning was titled: The Ultimate Orgasm Book: How to Share 1 Hour Orgasms with Your Partner. After reading the title she asked if the reason why she was returning the book, was because it didn't work out for her. Comedy ensues....



Excerpt from the story: What It Didn't Work?

-As I collected books scattered everywhere from little bastard kids running through isles playing tag, practically pulling down bookshelves as if it was some rock climbing wall, I walked by a woman who had the look on her face that she needed help. She was holding a crumpled used bag from our book store, which contained a somewhat large book in it. I walked up to the woman, standing near our customer service desk, and asked if she needed help finding a book, she replied with a nasty

“No, I need to return a book.”

 I had wanted to say, “Well that’s what our fucking registers are for.” Yet I held what tolerance I had left in me for the day and said “I’m going to cover a break up at the registers right now, I’ll walk you up there and call a manager to do the return for you.” 

Instead of saying thank you, this woman had the audacity to start complaining that it’s unnecessary for a manager to be present for a return. I had already stopped listening to the rambles at this point as I always have, called a manager and let her wait. 

People don’t seem to get that once you enter the store with a store bag in hand; you’re profiled as a person with a return and from that point on, treated like a bastard child. Returns are always put as least priority, the store loses money on returns, therefore your put at a far register to stand in wait for a few minutes in hopes that you’ll get pissed off from waiting and say fuck it and leave. That was the case in our store anyways, and it worked at times. To make matters worse this woman was a Hasidic, who are the most elite of Jewish people, and ironically well known for the impatience and rudeness in our community. Our bookstore is located close to a neighboring town in which large populations of these religious folks reside. It’s funny to me that these Hasidic's are such religious people, yet they are the rudest customers I’ve ever dealt with.  Maybe that's why they are here in the US and not in Jerusalem, with the normal Jewish people. They must have said, 

"Well fuck these people are insane, lets get them the fuck out." And as a result, they took refuge here.

After waiting for over 5 minutes, the cashier lead Elise came to the registers to do the return. I was two registers down from where Elise was, so I could hear the conversation quite well. As Elise asked for the receipt, I could hear to woman first complain about the wait, and then continued to hand over her receipt. Elise was always known to be a straight shooter, and wasn’t afraid to say anything on her mind, I envied her for this. As Elise removed the book from the bag, she saw the title and began to smile. The title read: The Ultimate Orgasm book: How to Share 1 Hour Orgasms with Your Partner. The woman embarrassed at the situation for returning such a book, and probably because raunchy sex books are shunned in her elite religious community, blushed and looked around her to make sure no one was watching. Elise began to say the line which is still to this day my favorite thing she has ever said to a customer, words that I couldn’t believe I had just heard.

“What, it didn’t work?” Elise asked with a smirk.

It took a moment to set in that Elise had just asked a woman returning a sex book if the reason that she was returning it was because it didn’t work. She had taken what had already been an awkward situation, and turned it into something entirely at another level.

I began to laugh hysterically, and had to turn away and walk in the opposite direction of the transaction. The woman had a shocked look on her face, as if the words spoken weren’t that of any language she had known. She took a glance at me, laughing my ass off in a compulsive manner, and then her recognition of what had just transpired set in. She fumed in anger and demanded the corporate office’s phone number to complain. Elise gladly handed her a business card, knowing that this woman would never muster the courage to call after she left the store. And even if she had, what was she to complain about?

“Employees were laughing at the Ultimate Orgasm book I was returning.”

 I’m sure the person on the other line in the corporate office would start laughing their ass off as well, only angering her more. 

After the woman had left the store, me and Elise laughed more together about the situation and began to tell our co-workers about what happened. Elise had told me something that day that seemed to become almost factual as timed passed. She proclaimed that these Hasidic Jewish women buy three types of books, It starts with sex books, to appease their sex addict husbands, and then they get knocked up and buy the infamous What to Expect When Your Expecting book, Only to buy many upon many psychological disorder books on syndromes caused from having sex with their first cousins. After years of working for the bookstore, these three types of books have become the top 3 sellers for their group and have been noted as a staple in the Hasidic woman’s lifestyle in our book store.  

No I’m not prejudice, and no I do not hate Jews. I only speak on what I’ve seen during my days inside of the bookstore. One of my coworkers is Jewish, and even he openly expresses his dislike towards them. It just so happens to be that this particular group of Jews, the Hasidic, who ironically are the elitist party of the Jewish religion, make their way into my stories very easily.